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We all have habits we'd like to get rid of, and every night we give ourselves the same pep talk: I'll go to bed earlier. I will resist that cookie. I will stop biting my nails. And then tomorrow comes, we cave, and feel worse than bad. We feel defeated and guilty because we know better and still can't resist.

The cycle is understandable, because the brain doesn't make changes easily. But breaking an unhealthy habit can be done. It takes intent, a little white-knuckling, and some effective behavior modification techniques. But even before that, it helps to understand what's happening in our brains, with our motivations, and with our self-talk.

We feel rewarded for certain habits

Good or bad habits are routines, and routines, like showering or driving to work, are automatic and make our lives easier. "The brain doesn't have to think too much," say Dr. Stephanie Collier, director of education in the division of geriatric psychology at McLean Hospital, and instructor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School.

Bad habits are slightly different, but when we try to break a bad one we create dissonance, and the brain doesn't like that, says Dr. Luana Marques, associate professor of psychology at Harvard Medical School. The limbic system in the brain activates the fight-flight-or-freeze responses, and our reaction is to avoid this "threat" and go back to the old behavior, even though we know it's not good for us.

Often, habits that don't benefit us still feel good, since the brain releases dopamine. It does this with anything that helps us as a species to survive, like eating or sex. Avoiding change qualifies as survival, and we get rewarded (albeit temporarily), so we keep reverting every time. "That's why it's so hard," Collier says.

Finding the reason why you want to change

But before you try to change a habit, it's fundamental to identify why you want to change. When the reason is more personal — you want to be around for your kids; you want to travel more — you have a stronger motivation and a reminder to refer back to during struggles.

After that, you want to figure out your internal and external triggers, and that takes some detective work. When the bad-habit urge hits, ask when, where, and with whom it happens, and how you are feeling, be it sad, lonely, depressed, nervous. It's a mixing and matching process and different for every person, but if you notice a clue beforehand, you might be able to catch yourself, Collier says.

The next part — and sometimes the harder part — is modifying your behavior. If your weakness is a morning muffin on the way to work, the solution might be to change your route. But environments can't always be altered, so you want to find a replacement, such as having almonds instead of candy or frozen yogurt in lieu of ice cream. "You don't have to aim for perfect, but just a little bit healthier," Collier says.

You also want to avoid the all-or-nothing mindset, which leads to quick burnout, and instead take micro-steps toward your goal, Marques says. If you stay up until midnight but want to be in bed at 10, the reasonable progression is: start with 11:45; the next night 11:30; the next 11:15 … It builds success and minimizes avoiding the new habit.

It also helps to remember that urges follow a cycle. They're initially intense, then wane, and usually go away in about 20 minutes. Collier suggests to set a timer and focus on "just getting through that."

In that waiting period, seeking new sensations can provide useful distraction. You can go outside and feel the wind and smell the air. You can do something physical. Collier also likes using hot and cold. In the extreme, it's submerging your face into a bowl of water, which can slow down your heart rate. But it could also be holding an ice cube or taking a hot shower. "You're focused on the sensation and not the urge," she says.

Accept that success isn't a straight line

As you try to change, there will be bumps and setbacks, which are part of the process of lasting change. The problem is that we're our own worst critics, and some people view anything except total success as complete failure.

Marques says to try to take a third-person perspective and think about how you'd react to a friend who said that having one bag of chips had ruined their whole diet. You'd be kind and reassuring, not critical, so give yourself the same treatment. A lot of the struggle with self-criticism is not seeing thoughts as facts, but merely thoughts. It takes practice, but it's the same idea as with meditation. You treat what comes into your head as clouds, acknowledging them and letting them roll on through. "Everyone has distorted thoughts all the time," Marques says. "It's what you do with them."

It also helps to reduce stress and minimize that sense of failure to know that the goal isn't to make the old habit disappear, because it won't. You're just trying to strengthen the new routine so eventually it takes over, and the old habit isn't even a thought. But it's a constant process, made easier with self-compassion, because there's no way to prepare for every situation or be able to predict when and where a trigger might happen.

"You can't prepare for life," Collier says. "Life is going to throw things at you."

Source: Harvard Health Publishing

President Bola Tinubu and Vice President Kashim Shettima will henceforth pay the required fees at tollgates whenever they use the nation’s airports.

The Minister of Aviation, Festus Keyamo, who disclosed this on Tuesday, May 14, said this became mandatory after the Federal Executive Council (FEC) meeting in Abuja on Tuesday, approved that there should be no more exemption granted to users of the airports from paying tollgate fees.

Keyamo had earlier presented a memorandum where he argued that the government was losing over 82% of the revenue it should have earned from the e-tags that provide access to the tollgates.

He explained that the memoranda had initially prescribed an exemption for only the president and the vice president before Tinubu overruled and directed that both of them should be included among those who must pay.

Briefing journalists after the FEC meeting, Keyamo regretted that Very Important Persons (VIPs) with money who should pay are those who have not been paying, noting that only poor people had been charged for using the tollgates.

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A lady has expressed her disappointment with her man after he sent her N20,000 while she was anticipating for N200,000 when she complained about being sick and broke.

She lamented about how she felt insulted by the amount of money he sent to her because according to her it cannot meet her basic needs.

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Singer Davido recently sacked his long time Lawyer and the reasons are beginning to filter in from close sources who are presently dancing Bugga and celebrating the sack.

According to the sources, the problem started a long time ago but Davido was the last person to see what was wrong until the scales recently fell off his eyes…. First off, they say Mr Lawyer forgot his Job and began to play the role of Manager of money and friend……The insider used one of many instances where Davido recently made money at Maddison garden where he recently performed but his Lawyer allegedly gave him only $18k and allegedly said that it was all he made and that he had settled bills from the huge amount handed to him.

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A yet-to-be-identified bike rider has disappeared with three siblings in Abia State.

It was gathered that the commercial motorcyclist abd¥cted the three young brothers on their home from school on May 10, 2024 in Amaoba Ime Oboro Community in Ikwuano LGA of the state.

The children, eight-year-old Gideon Osinachi, six-year-old Divine Osinachi, and four-year-old Israel Osinachi, reportedly boarded a motorcycle with a commercial cyclist, only to disappear without a trace.

According to their mother, Glory Osinachi, “It happened on Friday at about 4pm while returning from my mother-in-law’s house.”

Gideon is a primary two pupils, while Divine and Israel are both in Nursery 3 and Nursery 1 respectively.

Meanwhile, confirming the incident on Thursday, May 16, the state Police Public Relations Officer PPRO Moureen Chinaka told Vanguard that investigation into the incident had commenced.

“The matter was reported at the police Divisional Headquarters covering that Area, and investigating is on going. However, she was asked to get the picture of her children which she is yet to comply with”, the PPRO said.

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